Module 6 – question 4: write 3 headlines for a lede

Assignment: for a story lede in the course book, write an eight-word headline, a six-word headline, and a six-word headline with an eight-word subhead

Old MacDonalds’s Petting Zoo on Federal Terror Database

Federal Terror Database Includes Bizarre Sites

Pettting Zoo a Potential Terror Target: Homeland Security Inspector General Says Some Listings Unusual

Module 6 – question 2: improve a web article with lists

assignment: find a web article that could be improved with lists. Show before and after

While disgraced former Congressman Mark Foley’s sudden fall from power Friday in a sex scandal has already led content from his official website to be scrubbed, and his campaign website  is already dead, the Way Back Machine at archive.org has a last site snapshot of his campaign website from May 1, 2005 that allows us to look back to see his web skills.

OLD

http://web.archive.org/web/20041011014135/markfoley.com/contents/about/

About Mark Foley

Representing the second-largest district in the state, Congressman Mark Foley, first elected to Congress in the 1994 “Republican Revolution,” is now serving his fifth term as the U.S. Representative from Florida’s 16th congressional district.

Mark, a member of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee and a member of Republican Leadership as a Deputy Majority Whip, has emerged as a conservative leader.

Several conservative national groups have praised Mark for fighting to protect children, seniors and veterans, controlling federal spending, protecting Second Amendment rights, promoting fiscal responsibility and providing real tax relief to hard-working Americans. The National Taxpayers Union, National Rifle Association (NRA), John Walsh and the
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, U.S. Chamber of Commerce and National Federation of Businesses are just a few of the many organizations that have praised Mark’s efforts.

Mark plays a powerful role on the Ways and Means Committee by reforming the tax code, providing tax relief, expanding trade while protecting Florida’s farmers, seeking solutions to save Social Security, shoring up Medicare, reforming welfare and fighting child exploitation.

In addition to his committee assignments, Mark serves as Chairman of the Entertainment Industry Task Force, Co-Chairman of the Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus and Co-Chairman of the Travel and Tourism Caucus.

With Mark’s ever-growing influence come many legislative accomplishments. He secured the first-ever financial commitment from Congress to begin the preservation of Florida’s Everglades; passed legislation that expedites the deportation of non-violent criminal aliens serving their sentences in federal prisons; succeeded in passing a law allowing volunteer youth-serving organizations like the Boy Scouts and Boys and Girls Clubs to have access FBI fingerprint background checks to protect children; and he eliminated federal prohibitions on notifying a campus community when a student commits a violent crime.

Mark also successfully sought a solution for surviving heirs of Holocaust victims who have been unable to collect on life insurance policies owed to them. He also helped Attorney General John Ashcroft write legislation to ban “virtual child pornography” and introduced
legislation to ban “child erotica” websites.

NEW:

About Mark Foley

Representing the second-largest district in the state, Congressman Mark Foley, first elected to Congress in the 1994 “Republican Revolution,” is now serving his fifth term as the U.S. Representative from Florida’s 16th congressional district.

Mark, a member of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee and a member of Republican Leadership as a Deputy Majority Whip, has emerged as a conservative leader.

Several conservative national groups have praised Mark for:

• fighting to protect children, seniors and veterans
• controlling federal spending
• protecting Second Amendment rights
• promoting fiscal responsibility and providing real tax relief to hard-working Americans.

The National Taxpayers Union, National Rifle Association (NRA), John Walsh and the
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, U.S. Chamber of Commerce and National Federation of Businesses are just a few of the many organizations that have praised Mark’s efforts.

Mark plays a powerful role on the Ways and Means Committee by:

• reforming the tax code
• providing tax relief
• expanding trade while protecting Florida’s farmers
• seeking solutions to save Social Security, shoring up Medicare
• reforming welfare
• fighting child exploitation.

In addition to his committee assignments, Mark serves as:

• Chairman of the Entertainment Industry Task Force
• Co-Chairman of the Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus
• Co-Chairman of the Travel and Tourism Caucus.

With Mark’s ever-growing influence come many legislative
accomplishments, as he:

• secured the first-ever financial commitment from Congress to begin the preservation of Florida’s Everglades
• passed legislation that expedites the deportation of non-violent criminal aliens serving their sentences in federal prisons
• succeeded inpassing a law allowing volunteer youth-serving organizations like the
  Boy Scouts and Boys and Girls Clubs to have access FBI fingerprint background checks to protect children
• eliminated federal prohibitions on notifying a campus community when a student commits a violent crime
• successfully sought a solution for surviving heirs of Holocaust victims who have been unable to collect on life insurance policies owed to them
• helped Attorney General John Ashcroft write legislation to ban “virtual child pornography”
• introduced legislation to ban “child erotica” websites.

Module 6 – question 1: fix 3 bad headlines

assignment: find three examples online of headlines used as links and fix them

1) Espn.com has a habit of writing extremely short teaser headlines on its index page, with a longer head on the linked story. (in this case, the headline at the destination link already meets the guidelines) These teaser headlines are written from an insider perspective.

posted headline at http://www.espn.com: “Unit in doubt for playoffs”

linked headline at http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2607742:

“Yanks’ Johnson has herniated disc, playoffs in doubt”

The initial headline makes the quantum link of faith that the reader knows that “Unit”, is short for “Big Unit”, which is MLB pitcher Randy Johnson’s nickname. The “playoffs” reference makes sense only if you then realize based on “Unit” that it is the baseball playoffs, set to start on Tuesday, October 3. The rewritten headline on the inside at espn.com gives the user sufficient information. For the next two examples, I’ll rewrite the headline myself.

2) “Saints come marching in”. Lead headline link Saturday at http://www.panthers.com

suggested rewrite:

“Saints come marching in: October 1 Panthers gameday preview”

While a cute play on the famous New Orleans Jazz anthem, the headline does not convey enough information. Is it a music review? A Big Easy travel promotion? Nope, a preview of the October 1 Saints-Panthers NFL clash.

3. “Chow attacks man on greenway”

headline at http://www.charlotte.com

what attacked the man? Some food? Former NC State offensive football coordinator Norm Chow? A dog? Where was the attack?

suggested rewrite:

“Dog attacks jogger on Gastonia greenway”

Module 6 – question 3: rewrite headline

assignment: rewrite the headline from your article from earlier modules with this week’s module in mind 

The title to my initial writing assignments was simply

“Circle”

A title should sell the story, get attention, summarize, facilitate scanning to help determine what to read, depict mood and tone, tell the news, and tell it clearly (Writing Better Headlines) It should attract the reader’s attention, summarize, help the reader index, and depict mood and tone (Brooks and Scissors 2000, cited in Course Book)

My headline was too cute by a mile. It was more akin to a title of a poem than a title to an online writing. It’s motif was to give the reader a clue that the story was a chronological narrative, the climax of which was to return to the beginning (hence “Circle”).  It required quite a bit to understand that.

A much better title a headline would retain the message while conveying more information.  My revised title would be:

Vietnam 1969-2001: Circle;

Two generations discover war protests

This title will convey the same message more succinctly, as well as grabbing the attention of the reader. It conveys the tone of the piece.